Delivered by Rev. Ellen Brantley

Sunday, May 17, 2009

SERMON: Jesus Has Added You as a Friend

TEXT: John 15:9-17

Some of you will understand where this sermon title comes from, and some of you will not. JESUS HAS ADDED YOU AS A FRIEND. Six months ago I would not have gotten the reference. Six months ago, I wasn’t on Facebook, but now I have 62 friends.

Facebook, if you’ve never heard of it before, is a social networking website. And if you don’t know what that is, it’s a place on the internet where you can share pictures and messages and games and videos with your friends. Only those you choose to add as a friend can see your messages and pictures. I don’t spend much time on it, but the thing I like about Facebook is that you can often find long-lost friends – people you haven’t seen or heard from for twenty years or more. When someone finds you and wants to be your friend, you get a message saying “Jane Doe has added you as a friend.” Then you have the opportunity to “confirm” or “ignore” their request. I know it sounds harsh, that you might ignore someone. But sometimes people you don’t know ask to be added as a friend. The safe thing to do in that case is to ignore them.

Of course, we all have our ideas about what a true friend is, and our definitions probably aren’t very different from each other. A friend is someone you enjoy spending time with and talking to. Friends often have something in common: a favorite activity; a similar sense of humor, background, or life situation; similar values, cares, and concerns. But, as we read from the Gospel of John, Jesus said some things about friendship that may sound a little strange to us, so let’s dig in a little bit and see what we can learn. I’m going to discuss these in reverse order of their placement in the text.

The third thing that Jesus said about his friendship with the disciples was: “You did not choose me, but I chose you.” Most of us don’t even think about who does the choosing in our friendships. Instead, it seems that they just happen. You get to know someone through work or school, in church or in your neighborhood, or because your kids play ball together. And before you know it, you’re friends. But with Jesus and the disciples it happened a little differently. You might say that Jesus made “cold calls.” Without any prior knowledge or experience with them, it seems that Jesus simply approached complete strangers. Jesus sought out his friends. Jesus invited them to follow him, to have a meal with him. Jesus went out to their boats to meet them. Jesus deliberately and intentionally chose his friends.

Well, this makes me wonder. Can we seek to be a friend to others without knowing whether or not our friendship will be returned? Let’s keep this question in min as we look at Jesus’ other two statements about friendship.

The second think Jesus said was this: “I do not call you servants any longer, because the servant does not know what the master is doing; but I have called you friends, because I have made known to you everything that I have heard from my Father.” Jesus let the disciples in on some very inside information. He shared privileged information with them which not everyone knew. He opened himself up to them, trusting that they would not betray his confidence. When Jesus revealed himself in this way, those who were once servants could now be called friends because he allowed them to know him so well.

Okay. This one makes sense. It fits with our own definition of a friend. Friends are those with whom we can share our most intimate secrets. They are those we trust to understand us, to support us, and to keep our secrets for us. Our friends are often those who know us best.

And as far as a servant becoming a friend, I’m reminded of the movie, Driving Miss Daisy. Set in the 1950’s and 60’s, a black man is hired to be the driver for an elderly woman. She insists that she doesn’t need a driver, but her son believes it is unsafe for her to continue driving herself. Consequently, her behavior with her new driver is cranky and uncooperative. But as time goes on and they see each other almost on a daily basis, they become fast friends. They even defend one another when their out-of-the-ordinary relationship is questioned. Finally, the driver is the only person who visits the woman when she ends up in a nursing home during the last days of her life.

Finally, the first thing, but perhaps the most confusing, that Jesus said about friends is “You are my friends if you do what I command you.” Oh boy. I’m not sure this one will work for us. Generally, in our friendships we are equal with one another. I don’t tell my friends what to do and my friends are not the boss of me! We believe that friendships are not supposed to be conditional. Either you are my friend or you’re not, whether or not I do everything you tell me to.

And yet, we do have certain expectations of our friends, don’t we? You’ve heard young children ask for favors from one another, promising in return, “I’ll be your best friend.” Friendship is really a negotiated covenant – whether spoken or unspoken – where each party has a job to do. But sometimes one friend stops doing their job, and the friendship fades away.

My college roommate and I were the best of friends for several years. We talked about everything, spent lots of time together, and shared our most personal feelings. I was the maid of honor at her wedding, but after that she basically disappeared. She stopped returning my phone calls. She didn’t answer my letters. She didn’t even send a card when I got married. I don’t think I did anything wrong. But for whatever reason, she didn’t hold up her end of the covenant; she didn’t do what I expected of her. In essence, she sent the message that our friendship had ended. I wonder if I found her on Facebook, if she would add me as a friend.

Anyway, maybe it’s not so far-fetched after all that Jesus made following his commandments a condition of friendship. But now there’s that question I posed earlier: Can we seek to be a friend to others without knowing whether or not our friendship will be returned? The answer from Jesus is “yes.”

“I am giving you these commands,” he said, “so that you may love one another.” When Jesus seeks us out as his friends, he expects us to return that friendship by being a friend to others. And whether or not they return it to us, we already have it from Jesus.

When I was working as a student chaplain in a hospital, I remember being told by my supervisor that if someone tells you that they don’t need or want a pastor then offer to be their friend. That can be the most effective ministry any of us can do.

All of us know people who have never met a stranger. They seem to be friends with everyone. No one is a stranger to them because they treat every person like a friend. No matter whether they know your name, whether they know where you came from, whether they’re ever going to see you again, they’d just as readily speak to you or do a favor for us as they would for the neighbor that they’ve known for 25 years. And they don’t expect anything in return except that you do the same for someone else, or “pay it forward”.

The one thing Jesus did that is not normally expected of a friend was to lay down his life for us. And yet, we do have such friends. Every person who serves in the military and puts his or her life in danger to protect us is such a friend. As Jesus said, “No one has greater love than this.”

Of course, Jesus, too, laid down his life for us. He chose us to be not only his servants, but his friends. He has made the first move. He has invited us into relationship with him. And when we accept this relationship, when we choose to return his friendship, his expectation of us is that we will “love one another” as he has loved us. “I have said these things to you, so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete.”

JESUS HAS ADDED YOU AS A FRIEND. Thanks be to God for the joy of friendship!

AMEN.